Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
