ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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