I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
