I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
