people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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