I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
