I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
