i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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