Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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