She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
