i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
