I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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