Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
