Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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