Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
there is glitter all over my balls
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
