Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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