My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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