We're like a lot better than the average bears
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
