I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
