This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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