I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
