the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize