True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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