your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
