I showed him my bush... on skype.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
