Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
