So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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