call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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