honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
