I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
