I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
