Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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