I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
