peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
