so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
