we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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