I wannas sexs uuuuu
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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