He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
