drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
