just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
