I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
