I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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