"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
