remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
