I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
