MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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