dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
