I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
