I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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