you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
