If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize