It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
