Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize