STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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