Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
