Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
