I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
