I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
