I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
