I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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