Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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