Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
