I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
