Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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