Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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