there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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