the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower