i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night