Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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