Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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