That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
