Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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