I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
