watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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