so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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