I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
