Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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