what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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