good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
