How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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