all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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