Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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